Okay, here goes. This is not a normal Kim Davis post. Usually I talk about all the good stuff going on in my life, and how blessed my life is. (And, for the record, I really do realize how blessed I really am.) However, I've been thinking a lot lately about transparency. And, how sometimes I am not as transparent on this blog as I want to be. Its the idea that letting my guard down may show weakness or imperfection, and sometimes that scares me.
I want to be seen as having it all together with no care in the world. But, in all honesty, that is not real. My parents always say that I have to be careful not to say too much, but I also want to be real. I want to be a person who others can relate to. I want a life that reflects my relationship with Christ; however, I also want a life that is real and honest and transparent!
And, to be transparent, I have to confess that 2012 is not going as planned. If you've been reading my blog since last year, you may remember that I was so excited for 2012 to arrive. I have no idea why; however, I just had a good feeling about this year. I wanted it to be the year of change, and BOY HAS IT!! And, not in a good way.
- My Job Has/Is Kicking My Rear! And, in all honesty, I still love my job, but this year has been tough.
- My Health is at an all time Life-Low. I have 6-Months to "Get It Together" as the doc tells me, or I am going to face life long problems.
- Someone near and dear to me is facing an unwelcomed health situation that is a little uncertain at this time.
- I am exhausted, and just can't seem to get enough sleep.
- I haven't lost a lb this year.
- I have been a horrible friend to my core group of best friends. As work and life commitments have taken over my life, and I have put many friendships on the back burner.
- I've only visited home 4 times this year. I only live 2 hours away, yet only been home a few times.
- And, lets not think about the lack of exercise, bible reading, quiet time with the Lord, and other things that I have yet to commit time to this year.
I just can't help being disappointing in myself over these past 6-months. I was SOOOO excited for 2012, thinking it was going to be this GREAT YEAR; however, it has been so much hard-ache and pain that I am almost dreading the next 6-months.
Can I make it to 2013............I am beginning to wonder.
So now do you agree - this is not a typical "Kim Davis" post; however, its all true, transparent, and honest. Yet, in saying all this I have to believe that I am going through these tough things for a season and for a reason. I knew that the last four years that were paved with easier times were preparing me for a time like this.
And, its in seasons like this that I MUST dig deeper, cling to the promises of God, and TRUST HIM in everything that I face.
- My Job - Trusting the Lord with Every Decision and Ongoing Changes, and Know I am where He wants me to be.
- My Health - Must become a priority, and trusting the Lord to lead me to people who can speak wisdom in my life about weight loss, exercise, and nutrition.
- Loved One Who Is Sick - Trusting that the Lord for healing and that He will use this diagnosis to build a stronger testimony, and that He will receive all the Glory for what He is doing in their life at this time.
- Exhaustion - That the Lord will Give Me Sweet, Peaceful Sleep.
- Friendships - Trusting the Lord to guide me in making time to spend time my core group of friends over the next six months, and rebuilding relationships that I have spent a lifetime building.
- Family Time - Double the Trips Home in the Last Part of 2012.
- Time With the Lord - Discipline myself to spend time each morning, preparing my day with God before I do anything else.
And, this song speaks the words I find so hard to find:
May my God receive Glory for ALL THAT I AM, in good times and trying times.
Trusting in Him!
Trusting in Him!
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