What an incredible, incredible weekend!! I cannot express in enough words how renewed, refreshed, and restored I am after this sweet and special weekend. I got the opportunity to spend some sweet time on Saturday with some of my favorite Sisters in the Lord/Friends, and the Lord really ministered to my soul.
You see for the past several weeks, I have been RUNNING towards the world to get fulfillment for EVERYTHING. Fulfillment in my job came from compliments from others and unnecessary hard work to prove to myself that I was worthy of the position I have in my career. Fulfillment in my self worth came from surrounding myself with lots of people, even though I knew some of those people were only using me for what I could do for them. Honestly, I have been seeking fulfillment from everything and everyone than running to the one truly relationship that can truly fulfill me.....My Relationship with Jesus Christ.
And, I cannot say that this pursuit of worldy fulfillment was fun and rewarding, because it wasn't. You see the enemy LOVES to invite you to buy into the world's values and ways of life.. He lures us in with false promises, and as soon as we bite he makes us fill condemned and guilty. (The devil comes only to steal and kill and destroy. Jesus came that we may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10)
And, even though I have been firmly rooted in the Word for nearly 10 years, I found my flesh LOVING the feeling of being back into all the things the World had to offer. Pride, Power, Excess, Selfishness, etc. were traits that I found myself buying into again. And, even though there was a battle going on inside me, and I had fought these feelings for the past 3 months, I ignored them and did not confront anything. Just pretending everything was "wonderful" and "life was awesome."
Yet, when I woke up Saturday morning I felt change was coming. God had begun moving in my heart during the week, but Saturday the presence of the Holy Spirit was almost overwhelming. I woke early and headed to church to spend the morning with some of the most amazing ladies and followers of Christ I know. As we started the morning, one of my favorite Sisters in the Lord began to speak to the group. And, WOW, the Holy Spirit began overflowing through her.
She ask a simple question - "Where are you right now with the Lord?"
As any of you know, I am not a crier; however, from the beginning of her message until she ended, tears gently fell from my face. God was dealing with my soul. I felt so ashamed that I had bought into the lies of the enemy, and had wasted weeks that I could have been uplifting, praying, encouraging, and showing others the love of Christ, that I had wasted that time on fulfilling my agenda. As I confessed my sin in prayer, I felt true repentance and freedom come back into my spirit. I felt that for the first time in 3 months, I could approach the Lord with Boldness. My prayer language began to return, and I felt an encouragement and a peace that I had not felt in a long time.
To say I left church different than I walked in is very accurate.
My true desire is to serve the Lord with everything in me. I want my life to glorify God. I don't want to be religious, I want to be real. I don't want to pretend my life is perfect. I am so far from perfect. I have a God that pursues me each and every day, and its that relentless love that makes my relationship with our Lord possible.
Over the weekend, I remembered the song "You Won't Relent," which says the Lord will not relent until He has our entire heart. Oh, that is the cry of my heart, that my life will be spent serving the Lord and my heart will always be completely His.
Over the weekend, I remembered the song "You Won't Relent," which says the Lord will not relent until He has our entire heart. Oh, that is the cry of my heart, that my life will be spent serving the Lord and my heart will always be completely His.
Have a blessed week!
In Christ,
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